Reality Check

I think i have an explanation to make. If you have noticed, the hyperlink to my comments box, which is also my blog's version of the tagboard is missing since last week. Read on if you wanna know why...

This is one of those rare posts where i open up and i hate talking like this in a post. I might not have to but who am I to decide, right? Oh but before that, I have 2 blog followers! and there's an issue because i cant be their followers. Rachel moved to lifejournal. She's keeping her blogger account just to be my follower. Haha. I'm kidding. I'm linking up Pooja's blog as i type this. I can't believe I didn't have her in my list! Especially since Shamsul and Pooja makes Shampoo. Tsk! Sorry Pooj. Where was I. Right, i can't be their followers coz they dun have the follower widget up on their blog. I hope they can figure out a way to put it up so that i can be on their list. It's the same way as how you got the page elements up. Alright, out to you two.

Back to why no comments link. See, you've got to understand that I've graduated from Tekong school and I'm inside this batch full of people who are capable of going on and becoming a commander i.e to say, they could become a sergeant or an officer because we have either a diploma or an a-level certificate. So those who are selected to become sergeants will be sent to sergeants school and those selected to become officers, to the officers' school.

You'd probably say i would be one of those who would be selected to be an officer like the rest, but you know where this is going. I cannot deny that I feel the same way. Being in a uniformed group leader and later on a cadet officer and publicity secretary of the NYP Ambassadorial Team would definitely give anyone enough exposure to be a capable leader and lead any group of people. Everybody i know was confident that i could become an officer. It would be great to be an officer since it seems like the best choice but I tried not to be too hopeful.

You'll go through lots of theory and tests and everybody will assess everybody else. So in order to do well in Tekong school you will have to excel in all the tests and have a good reputation with everybody else. I did ok for all the test with above average results. My mates told me they ranked me one of the top few for peer appraisal. I'm already there to becoming a commander. Now tell me, who wouldn't be confident like the rest and believe that officer school would be for me. I succumbed into over-confidence in between my time in tekong school, right before one of the most major test, the situational decision making test. I had no motivation to work hard for the test because i thought i've had it all. The rest was history.

I ended up in sergeant school. It's not a bad thing. Only reason why i think it's second best is because I've yet to see a sergeant who is a good commander. Probably because of the nature of the position. They are always with the non-commanders, the men, and have a greater tendency to make mistakes in front of them as would an officer. We're always remembered by our mistakes and never or seldom remembered by the good things that we do. But apart from this only reason i have, I'm sure there would definitely be alot other advantage in being a sergeant.

When i got the news that i was going to sergeant school. I was devastated. I guess i really wanted to be an officer but i had no idea how much. I was so used to being the lucky one and i thought i would get lucky again this time. Siti once said i always get everything in stride and i have. Now i know it's not always the case. It's just too bad it was this time that i got unlucky. It was a tough week for me. Almost everybody i know would ask where i was going. I didn't want to make my state worst. I blocked off all form of communication medium online just so that no one would have the chance of asking me where I'm always available - online.

Now, that's why there wasn't any comments-link up on my posts. I was having my closure state and now, i'm perfectly alright. Simply because i'm still quite lucky afterall. Ok i'll take that back. I shall not be too happy and praise. But i really have great people around me. I have my parents, family and friends who got me through this. Nobody knew what i was going through because I'm a person who would never open up that easily(I don't need to) but they were there. I'm the lucky one because of them.

Since it's wordy and I'm in the mood to open up, I shall go on. Read on if you wanna know more about me...

I've been having lots of love songs and parts of song lyrics on my post all these while. I might be in love. I definitely have my special someone if you meant that one girl as "someone special". Those posts were for the people i was thinking of at the point of time. Of course more oftenly, it was for that girl and she's not my prettiest friend. She might be just right for me and I'd love to think it is so.

I don't think i need to confess yet or say out her name. Although i'm never confident of that. I pray and hope to know the right time when it comes but it is not my priority. I don't want to hog her coz she might not be the one for me yet, anyways. Everybody loves to be around their special someone. Same for me. She doesn't need to know anything more than what she think she knows. Not yet.

Moving on to another similar but seperated issue. I've read a certain blog of someone who might have interest in me. Certain keywords in the blog that's just too much of a coincidence to be relating to the things i do or say. Nothing wrong definitely. Normal human behaviour. Don't need to act differently after this, please. I might have ignored your smses and invitations or dates because i think the things i do might not be as direct to you. I might be wrong but i hate to give people false hope and i just want us to be as what we are. My selfish nature is the main reason why i dun open up. Well if I haven't been ignoring your smses, invitations or dates then this doesn't apply to you. Rejecting it is a different case. I'm sorry that truth hurts and i wish you all the best for the closure.